Where I Am Now
by Phoenix The Rebelist
Summary: Trying to cope with the fact that there is no way of returning back to her world, Outer Moka expresses her feelings about how her life is in Earthland with complete strangers that are not her friends... Related to C R O S S E D series.


**Where I Am Now**

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Hello, boys and girls. Moka Akashiya here. No return engagements. No encore. And this time, absolutely no requests. I hope you're ready, because I am about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why hatred and sadness came into my life.

I don't understand what goes on around me now. I am only a stranger to everyone in this world, no matter how different they seem. Everyone around me in this world is unknown to me. They were not my people...they are not my people.

My people are residing back at home...my home. But me, however...I am the only one that is not home. I was forced away from my home and my friends to this world. In my own theory, I think it's because of my death, both worlds are punishing me. I am force to live a new life in Earthland, a world that I don't know.

Why am I here? Why am I here in a world I was never born in? A world filled with nothing but sadness and despair? More importantly...why can't I escape from here to my world, where I belong? No matter how much I don't want to admit it, there is no escape from this pain that is thrust upon me, no is there a key to leave this suffering. I am trapped here for all eternity. Because once you're in a place with no openings, You can't go back to how things were. How you thought they were. All you really have is...now.

I hated my new life with a deep passion, along with everyone that lives in it. Except one barmaid in particular, of course. Mirajane. My best friend...my object of happiness. Even though she is a demon, she is my angel. When she first found me crying alone in the rain, she was there to help me with opened arms. No matter how much I despised everyone in this world, somehow she managed to be the only person I couldn't bring myself to hate. She is the center of my universe.

Back in the human world, I despised humans so much. I even wished to wipe out their very existence for their cruelty towards me. But as I was being treated like an outsider by the human race, I learned something. The human race didn't believe in the story of monsters ever existing in the real world of what they thought was plain normal. Back then, I use to think that humans were more vulgar, arrogant, and crude, while at the same time monsters like myself, were just the same, but even worse. I couldn't really deny it, I indeed thought of the human world as dangerous. Not just the monster world, but the human world as well. More dangerous crimes are committed in the human world, but the other world full of monsters, are just as ten times brutal and evil. They are menacing and more vicious situations that could occur in this world, that some people are aware of and not aware of.

In this world, everything is dangerous. I know, because I've dealt with it. In the forest, I was searching for a trace to go back home, only to come face to face with a guy, who was close of taking advantage of me. I felt disgusted with myself for almost letting that happened, even though my virginity wasn't stolen from me. I never understood how men do their work. They're like power, hungry dogs in the eyes of women. Here's a tip. If you touch a girl, even as a joke, and she pushes you off, leave...her...alone. Don't touch her, anywhere. Your touch does nothing but sicken her.

Now...I hated everything in my sight. Although my friends are all fine back in the other world and that Alucard is from existence, I am still haunted by my past. I would wake up in the middle of the night, feeling both anger and sadness. I couldn't erase the terrible images of what happened in the past. They just wouldn't disappear.

Even my temper was starting to get worse. When anyone, or even the Salamander would at least try to communicate with me, I would over react and start snapping at that person for no good reason. Due to my constant shouting, Mira would quickly try to calm me down. After I'm done with all my shouting, I would hide in the infirmary and cry my eyes out. Mira would ask me what's wrong, but I would tell her that its nothing. I didn't want her having to pick up the pieces, every time I lashed out someone. I also didn't want to risk lashing out at her as well when she is only trying to help me.

I want out of this world. To disappear and to never exist again. Why do I want that, you ask? When you're ripped away from your friends and the one you love...the one person who truly made you feel like an equal to everyone else, you're bound to desire death over life. It to have to be away from the ones you know and love, especially when there is no other way of going back. I am a girl that no man sees me as. The girls in Fairy Tail are all fairest fairies. Me, however...I am nothing. I am no fairy. I am nothing more, than a bat that is locked away in a cage. A bat, who is angry with both worlds. While being here, I understood something important; I don't have the power to stop the future. I don't have the power to rewind the past. The only way I can move on...is to press the play button on my life.

I can picture my life, right now-Tsukune and all my other friends-moving on with their lives without me. But I can't picture my life here. Not at all. Mostly because I can't handle being torn away from my friends and knowing that I can never go back. I am alone with no one to turn to. I sometimes feel like I don't exist. This isn't the way I wanted to go. I just want to erase this path and build my own. This isn't how I wanted my fate to go. But I know that I'll have to cope with it.

Because where I am now...things will be different for me...


End file.
